WHAT THE KECK of the day: After

Despite being exhausted this is what I look like after a haircut, a 15-min back massage and other assorted (obviously increadibly manly) pampering. Stress is wonderfully gone.

WHAT THE KECK of the day: Before

The face is because it's 7am and I've been at work since 2:45am.

A Case of the Mondays 3/30/09

Don't really have time to look for a story so today's Case of the Mondays is my own:

 

Plan: To get to work early to get a head start on the work I need to get done this week.

 

Actual: Showed up an hour and a half late after sleeping through my alarm.

 

Not the best way to start the week.  In better news, I think I'm over the initial enchantment of my new computer so I'll actually be updating this blog like I planned.  I spent the weekend watching TV shows on Hulu, playing the preloaded games I have on my computer, and Lewis and Clarking my way through the internet. Ok, now time to play catch up on work.

 

DK

He's Our Yo.. HOLY SHIT

Lying in bed with 4 hrs til I need to be at work and all I can think
about is how fucking awesome Lost is. Very happy I stayed up for it.

...and working overtime.

Busy at work (had to be in at 4:30 am today, don't you wish you were me?!?!) but I had a pretty funny experience I thought I'd share.

I was in between observing two sets of driver start times and had some business to take care of. Please note that having business to take care of is what I say in the situation where imattmypants would say "making brown brown".  For the dense out there, I was pooping.  Someone comes into the bathroom, gets done, then leaves and shuts off the light.  At first I thought he was messing with me but I could hear him walking away from the bathroom.  I sat there in the dark for a few minutes thinking to myself, "Is there any way I try to finish up in here in the dark that doesn't end up w/ me running into a wall and/or dropping everything I own (including the clothes I was wearing) into the toilet."  I decided the answer to that question was no.  Luckily I have a Nextel so I was able to have this conversation:

 

DK: ::keys up M::

M: What's up?

DK: Can you come back and turn the light on in the bathroom?

M: What?

DK: Can you come turn the light back on in the bathroom? 

M: Yeah, I was just in the bathroom.

DK: COME TURN THE LIGHT BACK ON!

M: Ohhhhhh!  ::Starts laughing:: Sorry, man, I'm just trying to be green.

 

That's all.  Updates will start to be much more regular starting Thursday.  My computer should be getting to my apartment today and I'll be there to start playing with it then.  It should have actually gotten there yesterday but my roommate was able to get to the door when they rang.

 

He had some business to take care of.

 

DK

A Case of the Mondays - 3/23/09

Every Monday I will be presenting the worst story I find on a "legitimate" news site to help replace those Monday morning blues with righteous indignation.  As much as your day may suck, remember it could always be worse.

 

Sorry I wasn't around this weekend, computer is finally arriving at my apartment today so I'll be able to start updating more.  Today's story isn't really one that promotes righteous indignation but it's still pretty horrible.

 

14 people, including 7 kids, die in plane crash

 

The biggest thing about this is that this is the 4th major plane crash in the US in the last few months.  I personally get nervous on planes anyway (though it's more of a claustrophobia thing) but the idea that we're averaging over one plane crash a month is terrifying!  Plus it this crash completely shits on the rule of 3s.  It's not like there's been two crashes and I shouldn't fly until the third one happens.  Now it could happen at anytime.  Recently, I was thinking about visiting a friend in FL.  Thank goodness that fell through.

 

On a lighter note, at least they landed in a cemetery, am I right? ...  too soon?

 

Have a good week everyone,

 

DK

WHAT THE KECK of the day

WEEKEND!

Fuck you!

I was on the Wikipedia (at no point will I ever question anything I read on there - so don't try to convince me otherwise) and came across this entry for the No Cussing Club.

 

The No Cussing Club is an advocacy organization asking people to refrain from using profanity in public space. The organization was founded by then 14-year-old McKay Hatch in 2007. The club gained its first news coverage when the city council of South Pasadena, California issued a proclamation designating the first week of March as No Cussing Week, to recognize Hatch's disapproval of the use of "cuss words."

 

Members of the club often take the 'No Cussing Challenge', which reads as follows:

 

I won't cuss, swear, use bad language, or tell dirty jokes. Clean language is the sign of intelligence and always demands respect. I will use my language to uplift, encourage and motivate. I will Leave People Better Than I Found Them.

 

As a fan/student of the cursing arts I actually this as a different kind of challenge.  To make a 'Cussing Challenge'.  Here goes:

 

I will fucking cuss, swear like a goddamn sailor, use shitty language, or tell more dirty joke then I can shake my dick at.  Finding new and inventive ways to curse is a sign of intelligence and I'll continue to fucking word skeet at you until you respect me.  I will use my language to offend, entertain, put down, and display anger.  I will leave people shells of their former fucking selves.  Cunt.

 

THANK YOU FOLKS, I'LL BE HERE ALL WEEK!

 

DK

USE YOUR WORDS: A weekend homework assignment

A random word from the wonderful website known as Urban Dictionary.  Your assignment: Use the word in conversation this weekend, then post how you used the word in the comments section.  Have fun!

 

1.	Vaggyhole
	Typically known as a vagina but in particular the vaginal opening, hence the "hole" It can be abbreviated to vaggio

DK

WHAT THE KECK of the day

Watching the Wire until The Office starts.

Jon + Heidi 4 Eva!!!

I mentioned my friends set a wedding date earlier but for some reason as I was talking about it this song popped into my head. It's from one of the greatest movies ever made. Enjoy!

I heart Muppets.

DK

I just pray that they're the slow ones....

MSNBC.com posted a fun article in their Games section about why we love playing video games with zombies in them so much.  They give 5 pretty good reason, but they also include the best possible reason to play these games

 

Practice, practice, practice
Faliszek offers up another explanation for the current zombie game outbreak.

"I think with the pending zombie apocalypse, people just want to get in as much practice as possible," he says.

Let's face it, things on planet Earth aren't looking so good and one can't help but wonder: Could zombies be the next plague upon us? Better safe than sorry, I say. And what better way to prepare than by playing video games?

Look me in the eyes when I tell you this because it's very important.  The Zombie Apocalypse will happen one day and it would not surprise me in the least.  It's either that or we'll get stuck in some Terminator/Matrix robots taking over shit.  But personally I thinking it's going to be zombies.  And I have a proof for my logic.

 

People = Stupid

Scientists = People

Ambition + Curiosity + Arrogance + Scientists + "May God have mercy on our souls" = Zombies

 

Just remember, you should always have an aluminum baseball bat somewhere near your person in case this finally happens.  It's lightweight, powerful, hard to break, and does not need to be reloaded.  Get guns as soon as possible but never rely 100% on them.  You don't know how long this is going to last and you'll have limited ammo.  Also, make sure the first place you head is a grocery story.  You need canned goods, bottled water, and cigarettes.  After an apocalypse everyone smokes, so the more cigarettes you have the more you can trade for other goods.  All of this is null and void if you're dealing with fast zombies.  Then you should get in a truck of some kind and run away.

 

Before I go, let me give you some hints on places to avoid during this dark time in humanity's future:

 

Cemeteries

Hospitals

The Mall

Back for someone

Any Umbrella Corp building

 

Good luck, survivors.

 

DK

Namaste

Lost was back from a week off last night and we had another episode this season that I found to be spectacular.  Lost really is one of my favorite shows ever and they still give a wonderful mix of mystery, answers, and character in each episode that makes me hate the fact I didn't find out about this show in 3 years after it is all out on DVD.  (My roommate was asking me about it and I told him to wait because it can be frustrating to have to wait a week for a new episode).  Occasionally as an episode gets done I think about the pilot and can't believe what a plane crash on an island has blossomed into. 

 

I could recap here but after each episode I call up my friend Jon and we go through it together so I can that itch to talk about theories out of the way right quick.  Plus there's a lot of Lost recaps at there much better than mine.  My favorite is Doc Jenson's on EW.com, if you're a fan of the show you should definitely be reading this every week. [There be spoilers there]  If you're not a fan of the show you should be.  If you actively don't like the show..... LaFleur says we shouldn't worry the Purge just yet.

 

Namaste,

DK

 

P.S. Congrats to Jon for setting a wedding date!  Memorial Day weekend is gonna be ridiculous.

WHAT THE KECK of the day

Just got done the 2+ hour drive home from work today. Not the norm...
Need food...

Where only the strong survive! [insert other stupid cliches]!

Real Housewives of New Jersey!

 

Right side of brain: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Left side of brain: YYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

 

Please note these "ladies" will not actually represent what a normal New Jerseyians are like.  Now if you'll excuse me I have to grease my hair back, cover myself in cheap cologne, and go clubbing (I'll be the one pumping my fist in the air).

 

DK

WHAT THE KECK o' the day

NEW FEATURE: WHAT THE KECK of the day: A daily picture of me for your viewing pleasure.  Because what's the point of reading my words if you can't see my beautiful face.

Green bagels and Half and Half (Half Guinness, half Harp).  Finally enjoying St. Patrick's Day!

The (un)luck of the Irish!

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY, EVERYONE!

 

I celebrated my St. Patrick's Day by waking up at 5am and driving two hours and ten minutes to work.  Then heading to my mom's house and possibly making myself an Irish Car Bomb.  Better than last year when I had a pint of Guinness with the traditional Irish fried seafood from the Jersey Shore.

 

I'm German and Irish but I have a nice mix of those stereotypical personalities - the German side I have a nice cool, controlled, pushed down rather than show it form of anger but from my Irish side I get a love of good beer, a laid back personality (just didn't get the anger), the knowledge that the best way to treat a woman is to punch her like she's a pop star (too soon?) so I'd very much like to celebrate this great day/excuse to get hammered.  They should make it a Friday every year.  And we should get off as a national holiday.

 

Oh well, at least my mom has some Irish potatoes waiting for me.

 

And possibly some St. Patty's Day boxers.

 

DK

Carmichael, Charles Carmichael

The day is ending... The sun, despite the fact I haven't seen it at all today, will soon be setting... and that means one thing:

 

Almost time for NEW TV (most days)!

 

I tend to watch a fair amount of television.  By fair amount, of course, I mean more than the a normal person, and probably much more than is healthy.  Like I can finish a season of a TV show on DVD in a day or two, and that's not necessarily on the weekend.  I tend to avoid the reality program and am a bigger fan of escapism.

 

One of my favorite shows right now is Chuck.  I've watched the show since the pilot and have continued enjoying it over the last two years.  Just picked up the first season on DVD last week (whilest buying the new Kelly Clarkson CD!) and have been rewatching it.

 

The show is escapism for me at it's finest: A geek chic main character I can relate to, hot girls in sexy outfits fighting, at least one good/hilarious slow motion scene an episode (see previous mention of hot girls), witty banter, pop culture referances, and Adam Baldwin (not one of those Baldwins).  I think it's a great, fun show that has a lot to offer and despite not having the best ratings has the network behind it which is awesome.  That being said, and despite the fact it looks like there's a rerun tonight, if you have a Neilson box in your house, TURN ON NBC TONIGHT @ 8!! I haven't seen anything saying Chuck has been picked up for a new season and I swear if it gets cancelled I will Neilson box your face.

 

Also, going to be catching up with Adam Baldwin's old Firefly co-star Nathon Fillion on ABC in Castle.  Is it the good show?  Probably not but it was better than I was expecting.  And it's got Malcolm Reynolds in it!  I'd really like Fillion to have a sucessful show on his hands.

 

Before I leave a Chuck quote:

 

Chuck is trying to stop a missle from being launched at California and is running out of time

Chuck: Do we carry any Rush CD's?
Morgan: Not to worry buddy! I have every Rush track on my Zune.
Chuck: Ok.... Wait, you have a Zune!?
Morgan: Pfft! No, I'll go get my iPod.

 

DK

A Case of the Mondays - 3/16/09

Every Monday I will be presenting the worst story I find on a "legitimate" news site to help replace those Monday morning blues with righteous indignation.  As much as your day may suck, remember it could always be worse.

 

Lots of option staring me in the face from msnbc.com this morning but despite the ridiculousness of AIG still giving out bonus we find ourselves coming to this story.

 

Austria's Fritzl Denies Murder, Admits Incest

 

I'm sure most people have been following this story to some extent.  Basically, a father in Austria kept his daughter locked in a basement dungeon for 24 years as a sex slave with whom he had at least 6 children.  I know this story has been around for a while but it was on msnbc's front page and it preceded to boggle the mind all over again.

 

Here's the first three things to pop into my head:

 

Firstly, how in God's name is there a person in this world that has to come to the point in his life where admitting to incest is THE LESSER OF TWO EVILS!  F my daughter?  Yeah I did that.  But what would make you think I'm a murderer?.

Secondly, we have this doozy -

 Fritzl pleaded "partially" guilty to rape -- understood to mean he is contesting the way the charge is worded -- and deprivation of liberty.

Pretty sure rape is one of those things you can't be partially guilty of.  Stealing someone's lunch out of the fridge?  Sure, if you were to take just the chips and the cookies.  That's partially.  You don't partially stick your dick in someone against their will. 

 

Thirdly, this girl was in her basement for 24 years and her mother claims to never noticed.  There are two options here: either she is a liar or she's stupid.  The police seems to think she's the latter.

Couple of other thoughts while reading this article -

 

Fritzl walking into the court covering his face with a blue folder.  While this is the picture that was at the beginning of the article, the information was giving to me next to his mug shot.  They also felt the need to tell me his suit was mismatched.

 

I was a communication major in college so I know most people in that field aren't really math savvy but this seems like a pretty obvious mistake.

 

He remained silent and motionless, ignoring questions from television crews before the judge and eight-person jury -- six men and six women -- entered and cameras were sent out.

 

Just an FYI - 6 + 6 NEVER EQUALS 12!!!

 

That's all I have for now.  Enjoy your week!

DK

If I blog, and no one reads it, does it make a sound?

With a new computer on the way, an overabundance of crazy going on in my head, and more TV watching then I could shake a remote at, I have returned to the blog-o-sphere with a vengeance. Or at least with the knowledge I can write here for more than 2 months at a time.

Hello again, non-iPhone compatible, non-work filtered Internet. I've missed you ever so much.